The Ramblings of a Drunken Irish Blogger - The Total Recall Drinking Game

In a state of beer and loratab induced euphoria, I decided to make the monumental leap into the blogsphere. I doubt this will end well.

I began to develop an elaborate introductory blog explaining the inner workings of a drunken Irish mind. Frankly, it bored me. Instead I will jump right in to my first blog.

“The How to Make Everything Better by Drinking” Drinking Game Report.

The first game that I will present to you was recently featured in a Bill Simmons Sports Guy article on ESPN.com. My friend wrote the Sports Guy, briefly describing the drinking game.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080401

Q: Do you realize Troy Aikman's interactions with Joe Buck
are EXACTLY like Arnold Schwarzenegger's interactions with director Paul
Verhoeven for the commentary for "Total Recall?" It's uncanny, right down to the
incessant usage of the word "exactly." The reason this is really funny is
because of a drinking game my friends and I played once -- we turned on the
commentary for "Total Recall," and drank every time Arnold agrees with the
director. I kid you not, people were falling out of their chairs within 15
minutes.- -Ryan Flippo, Tulsa, Okla.

SG: You're exactly right, Ryan. The similarities between
Troy-Buck and Arnold-Verhoeven are uncanny. You're exactly right. That's a great point. You're right.

It is, of course, the Total Recall commentary drinking game. What could be better than getting sloshed, while listening to Paul Verhoeven and the future governor of California discuss the landmark of cinema that is Total Recall? This game will rapidly destroy your liver, so pace yourself. I have very rarely finished the entire movie, whilst playing the drinking game. Most of your friends will be passed out on the floor with alcohol poisoning, mumbling in an Austrian accent, long before the game is done. Appoint a drinking game commission before the movie starts. It will be his, or her, responsibility to settle any disputes. Please pace yourself. Do not, I repeat, do no exceed the drink suggestions outlined below. Only use beer for this game. I tried to play using whisky and I nearly died fifteen minutes into the movie. And please do this responsibly. Do not attempt to drive after playing. Do not attempt to move at all. Make sure you have nothing important to do that day or the next day. Enjoy the game.


The Total Recall Commentary Drinking Game

1. Take a drink every time Arnold agrees with Verhoeven: This is the one that gets you. It is staggering the number of times that you will hear “yeah, I totally agree” and “yeah, exactly” said with a thick Austrian accent.
2. Take two drinks every time Arnold attempts to be philosophical or existential: This one is rarer, but the most fun. Hearing Arnold attempt to discuss the existential nature of Total Recall, whether “it is a dream or it is reality,” is well worth price of admission
3. Take three drinks every time you see a three-boobed chick: OK. So there is only one three-boobed chick, but come on. THREE BOOBS!
4. Take a shot every time Verhoeven reinforces his belief that humans are soulless animal, meat bags as he prefers to call them: This one is a little more subjective. The drink commissioner will have to decide when to enforce this last tenant.

Possibly side effects include, but are not limited to: Vomiting, Nausea, Disorientation, Lack of Motor Skills, A Lessened Regard for the Sanctity of Life, A Desire to See More Three-Boobed Women, A Propensity to Speak with an Austrian Accent, A Loss of Respect for the California Electorate and Drowsiness.